Every time my child gets dressed, I give him a choice between two different color shirts. One of them has a mermaid on it. Every time I help my child pick their clothes, I want to give them anything but blue even though blue was the first color word they could say, and all their answers to my questions are, “blue.” Every time my child wants to wear pink, or draws with a pink crayon, or makes pink cakes with Play-Doh, I cheer a bit on the inside and think zir not succumbing. Every time my spouse suggests we cut our child’s hair because faer wispy locks brush faer eyelashes like broken spider webs, I say there’s no need, but then I ask just to make sure and fae says, “No cut.” Every time I wear a cardigan or sweatshirt over a grandpa-style button down or a Pretty Boi T-shirt, ze takes it off of me as if it knows what I actually want to wear and is helping me out. Every time xe snuggles with me and our faces get close enough to exchange breath, I think about how no other mamas are growing a mustache but I am. Every time my child follows me into the bathroom, ey stares at my body when I’m naked, and I wonder what ey sees and if ey can describe it for me so I can know my truest form. Every time I come home from a haircut appointment, my child runs her hand up and down the back of my head like she’s petting a patch of fake baby bunny fur in one of her “Touch and Feel” animal books, and my short hair becomes right and beautiful. Every time my child wakes up in the morning, I rush to faer bedroom to pick them up from their crib. Ve rests vir head in the well-worn crook of my neck and shoulder, and I stand in the middle of the room rocking him gently, letting us be, no intrusions, not even my own.
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Alyssa “Lys” Sorresso is a non-binary, trans person living in Chicago with two cats and a great family. They are a freelance editor, writer, and communications consultant who particularly loves developmental editing for cookbooks. Lys’s writing has been published in PANK, Calyx, Creative Nonfiction, 9 Lives: The Life in 10 Minutes Anthology, and elsewhere. Their essay, “Don’t Borrow Trouble” was listed as “Notable” in The Best American Essays 2015. Lys was nominated for the 3Arts award in Teaching Artistry in 2016 and awarded a Ragdale Arts residency for the fall of 2018. Their essay “Bubble and Pop” was listed as Notable in Memoir Magazine’s 2019 #MeToo contest. They will make you focaccia if you are feeling down. Read more of their work at alyssasorresso.com, and find them on Instagram @alyssa.sorresso or twitter @focacciaqueer.
4 comments
Tristen E. says:
Oct 14, 2021
I like how this gives an insight to the lives and parenting of the LGBTQ community. I think it is good at showing what it is like parenting a kid while being part of the trans community and the thoughts and choices made while parenting. One thing that I feel like can be confusing especially to readers who aren’t educated or know a lot about the LGBTQ community are the pronouns such as ey, zir, fae, ze, etc. When reading this for the first time and not having an understanding of that, it can prohibit the reader’s ability to fully understand this story. Overall I thought it does a good job at demonstrating life as part of the LGBTQ community.
Jaralee Richter says:
Dec 1, 2021
I am a student in a creative nonfiction writing course. I read your essay because the title intrigued me. It did not disappoint. I appreciate your references to parenting your child. I think it’s poignant that you are telling this from your authentic point of view as a non-binary trans person, but your story is important for heterosexual parents because this mainstream group could benefit from learning pronouns and teaching them to their kids, learning to normalize experiences that look different from their own and teaching the wide range of normal to their children. This is done through humility and compassion, and can be taught to our kids.
I am in the process learning how to write about my journey with a life-threatening illness I am recovering from. I hope I can someday write with the feeling I felt in this piece.
The assignment I have been given asks me to read a few essays from this site and choose three sentences from the different stories I read that demonstrate the literary devices we have been learning about. This is what I chose from your essay:
“Every time I come home from a haircut appointment, my child runs her hand up and down the back of my head like she’s petting a patch of fake baby bunny fur in one of her “Touch and Feel” animal books, and my short hair becomes right and beautiful.”
Such a beautiful simile! I can picture a child doing this. I can almost feel the sensation of running my fingers through hair. It reminds me of my kids when they were little, they would often do this, such a sensory experience. The idea that this normalizes the authors own feelings about their short hair leaves me with a powerful image of love and mutual acceptance amid no distractions.
Lys says:
Dec 3, 2021
This is a beautiful, meaningful response, Jaralee. Thank you for choosing my essay to read and thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. As a teacher, it means the world that students learn something from my writing. Best of luck to you.
Summer says:
Sep 13, 2022
“Every time I come home from a haircut appointment, my child runs her hand up and down the back of my head like she’s petting a patch of fake baby bunny fur in one of her “Touch and Feel” animal books, and my short hair becomes right and beautiful” is one of the best sentences I’ve ever read.
Something inside me feels a little more whole after reading this essay, a little more sure I can be both a big brother and big sister to my younger sibling. Thank you for writing.